Words hurt

Words can really hurt or can mean nothing. It is all about who said it, when did they say it, and how they said it. Two different people can say the same exact thing to you. One of these could hurt you and one can mean nothing. Last night I was told that I am strong because someone can insult me to my face and I would not care. I personally do not think I am strong because the people I care about can say something very simple and it will hurt me more than anything.

This made me think. When do words affect me? As a child being bullied did not work on me because I simply did not care what others thought of me. Now that I have close bonds with people they can say something very little or nothing at all and it can mess up my whole day. For example, I have an ex and in a few weeks I will be returning home and it is likely that we will see each other again. I wanted to see how things will be between us since we haven’t really talked for almost a year. I texted him with a simple greeting and he said nothing back which hurt so bad. If anybody else ignored a text from me it will mean nothing, but due to the kairos it meant everything.

To make matters worse I have a problem talking to him. Not because I am nervous or afraid of how he will respond, but I can never find the right words. I talk a lot and I am great at expressing my feelings, but when it comes to him I do not know how to feel. A great deal of painful things was said between us and the silence we currently have is ten times worse, but if we were to talk on a friendly level I would not know what to say anyway.